1 Topic by Julia

  • Julia
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Topic: Complainers are often self-centred

Laurence and Joanna,

What bothers me is that, more often than not, those who complain about their neighbours being loud show a stiking lack of compassion and a high degree of self-centredness.

I’ve heard people complain about having neighbours with young children, as if one could muzzle their children or tie them to their beds! The sound of lively small children at play can be joyful, and we can all remember the annoying, exasperating tantrums we threw when we were that young. I bet those are the same intolerant people who always complain about small children at restaurants and cafes.

Also, I’ve heard people complain because their neighbours fight and engage in domestic disputes. My next-door neighbours are very young and have had some extremely loud, animated late-night arguments, which is how I found this website: I was looking for ways to approach them without hurting their feelings or making them feel any worse than they already do. In the meantime, I have mustered the courage to talk to them and to offer my help. Believe it or not, the young wife told me that some other neighbours have already sent them letters of complaint and have even informed the front office about their fights (we live in a gated apartment complex), asking the manager to tell them to be quiet.

What these Nazi, cruel, self-centred neighbours seem unable to realize is that, when people behave that way, they have some serious problems that are already causing them a lot of pain. Humiliating someone who is already so fragile doesn’t seem like the compassionate, nice thing to do. Or are we all so concerned about falling asleep at exactly 10 o’clock or watching The Bachelor on TV without any disturbances and interruptions that we have lost our ability to empathise with our fellow-men and to feel sorry about their painful problems?

Something to think about, at least in my opinion.

2 Reply by Julia

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

PS FYI, Bose makes wonderful headphones designed to keep the noise out! Highly recommended. I wear them at the library, on the plain, etc. They’re called ”Bose QuietComfort.”

3 Reply by Ernie

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

Julia wrote:

Laurence and Joanna,

What bothers me is that, more often than not, those who complain about their neighbours being loud show a stiking lack of compassion and a high degree of self-centredness.

I’ve heard people complain about having neighbours with young children, as if one could muzzle their children or tie them to their beds! The sound of lively small children at play can be joyful, and we can all remember the annoying, exasperating tantrums we threw when we were that young. I bet those are the same intolerant people who always complain about small children at restaurants and cafes.

Also, I’ve heard people complain because their neighbours fight and engage in domestic disputes. My next-door neighbours are very young and have had some extremely loud, animated late-night arguments, which is how I found this website: I was looking for ways to approach them without hurting their feelings or making them feel any worse than they already do. In the meantime, I have mustered the courage to talk to them and to offer my help. Believe it or not, the young wife told me that some other neighbours have already sent them letters of complaint and have even informed the front office about their fights (we live in a gated apartment complex), asking the manager to tell them to be quiet.

What these Nazi, cruel, self-centred neighbours seem unable to realize is that, when people behave that way, they have some serious problems that are already causing them a lot of pain. Humiliating someone who is already so fragile doesn’t seem like the compassionate, nice thing to do. Or are we all so concerned about falling asleep at exactly 10 o’clock or watching The Bachelor on TV without any disturbances and interruptions that we have lost our ability to empathise with our fellow-men and to feel sorry about their painful problems?

Something to think about, at least in my opinion.

Julia, if you had a noisy neighbour like mine you would not think we are Nazis. I don’t think having parties 3-4 nights a week and waking us us EVERY night of week with hoovering at 1am alongside other stupid behavious makes me a nazi. I have to get up for work at 6am.

I’m guessing you've been told off for making noise and are now sulking like a child, that’s what my neighbours do. Grow up.

4 Reply by Laurence_d

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

To me, compassion should go two ways. If you know you are going to be in a situation where noise is going to happen (say, workmen in or a young kids staying) then there’s no shame in letting your neighbours know. By doing so, you warn them and they are likely to appreciate the politeness and deal with the noise.

The problem is when people simply don’t care about the wellbeing of their neighbours, doing whatever they like whenever they like without so much as a thought about whether they are encroaching on other people’s enjoyment of their homes.

It’s got nothing to do with being prudish or snobby or anything — it’s simply an extension of the duty we all have to be decent to our fellow human beings, a duty which to me is particularly strong at home, where the ability to enjoy our own space is particularly important.

5 Reply by kitsypoodle

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

Is wanting a bit of peace and quiet really being a "nazi"? I don't think so, and having to put up with a pair of screaming brats all the time just because their parents can't be bothered to discipline them is not a "joyful" sound. These people know they are being ignorant towards other people, and yet don't care.

6 Reply by Lolly

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

Having had 18 months of horrendous noise, some days for 10 hours at a time we were releaved when our previous neighbours moved out.  At about the same time we were having a new kitchen fitted so had some additional sound proofing fitted at the cost of a few hundred pounds, so we had high hopes when a young family moved in, surely they would need peace and quiet. But sadly, no, within the first 2 weeks we had 2 parties, 1 going on until 3 a.m. There are regular shouted conversations outside, haven't worked out whether they shout over the noise of the children or over the noise of their music, but it makes it difficult for us to use our garden.  My husband has been round twice to no apparent avail.  We have had to go out for walks and in the car to avoid the racket and the dog shakes and hides in a  corner (but she is not bothered by the bangs on Bonfire Night!).

We have had 4 children of our own and love to listen to children playing, it is the thoughtless adults who are the nuisance, it is they who make half our house and the whole of the garden unuseable. When our children were young we didn't have complaints (despite living in a terrace with neighbours on both sides), if we had I like to think that we would have tried to do something about it.

Both of these neighbours have been tennants and I believe that the landlord has some responsibility for any noise their tennants make but in practice, short of giving them their marching orders, I don't suppose there's much he can do.

All in all, we would just like to use the whole of our house and garden when we want and not need to go out to get peace and quiet (less of a possibility in the dark nights!).

7 Reply by chris

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

The person commenting on the people who are complaining about noisy neighbours having no compassion and being self centered are talking complete rubbish. Dealing with noisy neighbours can be very stressful and can ruin peoples lives. Nobody should have to put up with somebody elses children screaming and crying through the walls of their own home and nobody should have to listen to self centered, inconsiderate people banging and playing loud music. When you have neighbours that have noisy children, bang doors and move furniture around in the early hours it can ruin your life, affect your day at work, cause you stress and eventually can make you obsess over every noise you hear. You should be entitled to have peace in your own home have a good nights sleep without thoughtless and ignorant neighbours preventing that. If anything they are the ones with no compassion!

8 Reply by m.smith

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

It sounds to me that you have contradicted yourself as you stated that you were trying to access help to speak to your neighbours about their noise! As for noisy children it is the parents responsibility to teach their children how to behave. Also your opinion of people should be sympathetic to others of their difficulties and problems, well it works both ways, I dont know anyone who does not have problems so in my opinion its really simple 'consideration for others and respect' which is something society has lost or maybe family values and healthy discipline are not taught anymore as children do learn from their parents.
So you dont really know what you are talking about. I dont think your opinion would  be the same after a number of years of constant noise, I have experienced it for 5 years now and just like all the others on the website it really makes life hell and  miserable yes I have tried to sort it but it is not resolved yet as the neighbours i have just dont give a damm  but i am not giving up i will take this the full road.

9 Reply by QLP

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

If people are regularly arguing so loudly it is causing a noise nusiance, yes they have problems and need help, but maybe realising that their problem is so bad it is affecting others too is part of the process of understanding that for themselves. How will people ignoring their bad behaviour help them?

As for them being fragile, how do you know the people complaining aren't also feeling fragile? I wouldn't be at all surprised if they were if they are having to listen to noisy agressive behaviour. The fact that they don't make a din about it but try to deal with it through proper channels doesn't make them nazis.

When it comes to children there's reasonable noise and unacceptable noise and behaviour. I doubt anyone would object to the sound of children happily playing during the day or making noise occaisionally at night because they are ill or something.  It's not hard to tell the difference between that and kids who are allowed to run riot day and night. With rights come responsibilities, a fact that too many in our society seem to forget these days.

10 Reply by Olly

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

I think some complaining neighbours are self centered, for example my neighbour. My husband and I are generally very quiet people. The odd times we know we possibly make noise or shall I say talk louder than normally is when we have lots of people around and that is not very often.

Two months ago I had about 7 friends come visit me at home as I had been very ill for about 2 weeks. My neighbour came round to say it was manic around ours and we should keep it down. Considering I wasn't feeling too well, my friends were not making noise or speaking loudly. My house was busier than normal but that was about it!!

Last week I had two visitors around and as we had striped our carpet our voices might have bounced off the walls and sounded louder than normal, guess what? my neighbour once again complained that we were making noise.

I'm getting to the end of my tether with her as she seems to complain about everything we do. There have been a number of times she's made noise, had work men at her house making noise and we've never uttered a word of complaint. I think that considering we are 98% of the time very quiet she shouldn't seek every opportunity in the 2% to complain.

I'm thinking of approaching her about her being petty.

11 Reply by TwistedMarbles

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

kitsypoodle wrote:

Is wanting a bit of peace and quiet really being a "nazi"? I don't think so, and having to put up with a pair of screaming brats all the time just because their parents can't be bothered to discipline them is not a "joyful" sound. These people know they are being ignorant towards other people, and yet don't care.

I've got noisy neighbors and I've complained about them for 7 years to the council. But nothing was done they just send you in circles expecting the problem the fade away. When your a landlord or lady wanting to rent out the rooms, having compassion on noisy neighbours sounds pathetic. They cause you to loose money big time and destroy your life. What people need to do is discipline their children not to be up 1am in the morning when they supposed to be sleeping to wake up the next day for school.

I reported a couple who constantly fight, argue and stamp up and down on the floor just about everyday for 7 years. They live above me However, when the council interviewed them about it, the man said, "My wife an I do argue, but we don't make noise." Then the council said they were free to go. No real investigation took place.  How does that work out. What's worse is that during a particular month of complaining about the disturbance, the council give the couple permission to lay down Laminated flooring which has now increased the level of noise to a further unreasonable measure. It's so bad, I decided to write a small article about it on the internet and added video sample of the noise.

http://www.authspot.com/Journals/My-Noi … urs.677883

I find it amazing how councils can harbour such people and call it reasonable

12 Reply by sue

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

In my view it is my neighbour who makes all the noise who is being self centred.  We have tried to be reasonable and have tried speaking politely and when we did make a formal complaint asked for mediation.  She has refused to discuss anything and insists it is her right to do what she wants in her flat that presumably includes making  noise all night - and I mean all night, often till 3am banging, crashing, moving furniture, hoovering (at 1am).  Yes she does have a child and I do think children should play but why must he run and jump over our head when she has a garden (and yes the weather was good) or at midnight!! 
I do not think it is self centred to want to be able to sleep at night!

13 Reply by delite

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

we could be living in the same house by the sounds of things. its horrible, hate it. oh but mines got 2 kids, even more noise.   

sue wrote:

In my view it is my neighbour who makes all the noise who is being self centred.  We have tried to be reasonable and have tried speaking politely and when we did make a formal complaint asked for mediation.  She has refused to discuss anything and insists it is her right to do what she wants in her flat that presumably includes making  noise all night - and I mean all night, often till 3am banging, crashing, moving furniture, hoovering (at 1am).  Yes she does have a child and I do think children should play but why must he run and jump over our head when she has a garden (and yes the weather was good) or at midnight!! 
I do not think it is self centred to want to be able to sleep at night!

14 Reply by Anne

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

I too have a noisy neighbour with child who lives above me; she has been served with a noise abatement notice last September however over the past three weeks the level of noise has escalated, with the last two nights being particularly bad - loud music and tv and the child running around at 11.30 at night, playing in the bedroom above me and either the child or his mother switching on loud music in the bedroom, I am afraid that last night I lost it - I banged on the ceiling and screamed like a mad woman - I did have quiet for the rest of the night but now I am worried about going home. The council have mentioned that they may apply for a warrant to seize their tv etc however, I am worried about any repercussions and also rather than being selfish as the first poster argues, I am worried that the child will be without a tv for Christmas.

15 Reply by blahblahblah

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Re: Complainers are often self-centred

I moved into my new house 3 months ago, since then I've had 1 house warming party consisting of 8 people, yes the noise whent on until 3 am but it was a weekend and was a one off, now last saturday 3 of my friends called at my house at around 5pm we sat drinking coffee laughing and joking until around 6:30pm, then we left the house, I returned home alone at around 2 am the following morning and got straight in bed, no music or T.V. just sleep.
The next day my neighour knocked on my door relentlesly, until i got out of bed to inform me that my noise levels are out of control, she could hear me laughing and talking, also when my friends visit they park on the street outside my house.
Now is it just me or are people so selfish and intolerent to every slight thing that ever happens these days, since when cant you have a conversation in your own living room at 5 in the evening for an hour or two? And whats the harm in one or two noisy nights a year? Really in the grand scheme of things!
People really need to lighten up and stop making people feel guilty for living in their own homes, I totally agree consistent late night noise is really unaceptable but come on,,, people do make noise and thats a fact of life,, people do have kids and friends, or the occasional celebration in their homes, whats wrong with people? should we all walk around in silence never talking, laughing or listening to music?